Watching stuff means learning stuff.

I’ve spent the last three days having seizures. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way it is. I’m running on something like auto-pilot, and I’m sick of it. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating, and if you cross me the wrong way right now…we’re probably going to fight. I’m not going to feel anything anyway. I’m numb approximately 85% of my day, so you’re not going to hurt me, and as for any pain you may inflict when I can actually feel my skin and stuff, it certainly cannot be worse than what I’m already feeling.

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When I started working yesterday, I started with coffee and some of those delicious tea biscuits you see up there. I had to plan a last minute meeting with the newest member of the Writing Compulsion staff. I’ll introduce him properly in another post, but for now you just need to know that he exists. His name is Jesse Moore, and he’s one of the weirdest guys I’ve ever met. That’s how I’m positive he’ll fit in around here.

The meeting was planned, I set out for the evening to go to this meeting, and I start having more seizures. Now, I understand the difference between a seizure that is going to render me incapable of driving a car and one that will merely pester the crap out of me until it goes away. This was an annoying one, so I wasn’t exactly worried, but the possibility always exists that this thing (seizure) will spread to other parts of my brain and then WHAM, I’m out. I know when I’m in trouble though, so I keep an eye on myself (weird figure of speech) and continue towards the meeting.

Jesse needed a ride. Then he didn’t. I can handle that. I didn’t want him to walk in the rain, but if he found another ride then that’s less gas I have to burn. I get to the meeting. Jesse, of course, isn’t there. I suddenly have no signal on my phone. I can’t get in touch with him. Great. Hey! At least the seizures were gone by this point.

I finally contact Jesse, and find out why he’s late. He needs a ride. Of course. I set out to retrieve the Jesse. I meet Jesse at Publix. That’s kind of his thing. That’s where you’ll usually have to take him or pick him up. It works for him. In this instance, it works for me. It’s time to work. You know, after Jesse sighs and complains about having a meeting. You get to be around me, Jesse. I don’t understand the problem.

Every meeting runs over, right? No. Not mine. I plan for an hour when I usually only need about fifteen minutes. Why? Because the Jesses of this world are plotting against us. That and I’m always late to stuff. I figure if I schedule for 11 PM, I might get started around 11:30 PM. When you factor in the Jesse variable, we’re looking at 11:45 PM. We speed talk anyway. Meeting ends by midnight, and as it always does…concludes with some good, old-fashioned, life talk.

It’s important to me that the people in my life understand that I’m there for them. It doesn’t matter what it is. If you need to vent, I’m here. If you need to punch a cactus, I’ll be there with you. If you feel like you just need a few minutes of peace and you have nobody to watch your kids, I’m your girl. I look for ways to improve the lives of those around me, but sometimes it’s hard to focus that attention and I’m running all over the place trying to help everyone.

This is a rare instance where I can focus all of my attention on my brother. He’s my friend, and he needs to talk about what he’s going through. I decide by the time this meeting is over and the personal side of our friendship is tended that Jesse seriously needs some prayer. I can’t imagine the things he’s going through, but I try…and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I drive home a short while later feeling sad and disgusted by the state of the human heart these days.

I get home and collapse into bed next to my wonderful Hubby. I should have finished this very blog post and I should have tried to study a bit (forever a student), but I was numb, I was achy, and I just wanted to let go of all the troubles and worries that had been added to that. If those around me need to unload their burdens on me, I’m okay with that. I’ll take some of the weight they can’t carry, if it helps them grow stronger and keep fighting through this life.

At the end of the day, I know where to lay every burden.

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